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"They weren’t very good kidnappers because I got away after a few hours"


Kitten Psychic

Los Angeles

How is the year going?

It really is just 2020 season two, huh? It’s going about the same as last year. My eczema has gone crazy from the stress, so if everything could settle down soon, that’d be great.

What was the worst part of last year?

Being stuck inside with my own brain.

What’s wrong with your brain?

It has a lot of thoughts I don’t agree with.

What do you like about yourself?

I like how intuitive and perceptive I am with animals, particularly cats. I like how funny I am; I truly consider myself to be hilarious.

What’s something about cats most people don’t know?

That dry food is really bad for their urinary system, kidneys, and overall health.

What is your greatest fear?

My mom dying.

Greatest wish for yourself?

To have a few calm years.

What has been the greatest love of your life?

Every animal on earth.

Who has been the greatest love of your life?

The Armenian people.

Most interesting thing you learned in school?

Teenagers are often thought to underestimate risk: they are nonchalant and don’t think they’ll face consequences. That’s why so much education is focused on scaring kids around the consequences of drugs, sex, etc. In reality, teens overestimate risk. They think they are much more likely to face consequences than they actually are, but they simply don’t care. They consider the immediate reward worth any long term consequence.

Craziest thing that’s ever happened to you?

I escaped being kidnapped when I was 16.


They weren’t very good kidnappers because I got away after a few hours.

How did you do that?

I wasn’t scared of them (after the first 5 minutes when I realized they were not going to murder me), so I didn’t give into their demands for money. I basically just kept talking back. After a few hours of this, the two men were now yelling at each other, got out of the car, and started fist fighting. So, then I got out of the car and ran.

Have you seen Taken?

No, but quite literally every time I tell this story, this movie is brought up. Is it good?

I don’t know. I haven’t seen it. What’s your favorite movie?

Jane Campion’s Bright Star. I saw it at an early screening at LACMA and have loved it deeply ever since.

Did you grow up in LA?

Yes, unfortunately.

Why unfortunately?

I think it has an enormously negative impact on the teenage psyche to be surrounded by the culture that comes with wealthy Hollywood.

Do you still get starstruck if you grow up somewhere like that?

I won’t get starstruck from someone just because they’re famous, even really famous. I will get starstruck in my own worlds though, like drag queens and weird art. I was extremely starstruck meeting Marina Abramovic.

If you could have any talent, what would it be?

Singing. I would be an incredible singer. I think I’m like the guy from The King’s Speech, except with singing. For real.

Favorite place to travel?

Bermuda. Italy.

What’s a trip you really want to take?

I want to go to Rwanda to visit the mountain gorillas.

Describe your perfect day.

It would involve a modern farmhouse with huge, open windows, big kitchen, flowing curtains. Cheese, fruit, olives. Sunrise, warm ocean breeze, quiet; people I love. Imagine that was just your life.

I think it can be.

Maybe so.

IG: @kittenpsychic

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