"A lot of people don't take anxiety problems seriously, because they don't feel it"

Audrey McDermott

Model and Creative

Texas/Montana

Who are you?

That's a good question! I think I'm still not sure...I'm sort of always learning new things about myself and growing and changing with the times. A person can always remain certain things though..and some things I have found to be a constant in who I am is, well, one, I care a lot for the well being of other people. I love animals, I always want to save and take care of all of them, it's my dream to open up a shelter one day. I've always been extremely nostalgic. Space and the ocean have always fascinated me. I also love to explore, and love to learn new things. I love to create- photos, painting, drawing, poetry, really any facet I can express myself in I will jump on..however, that doesn't mean I am always good at these things. I really just enjoy them for what I can create from them. I don't think a work that is created for anyone but yourself and your own enjoyment is genuine. Art has to come from the heart!


Where are you from?

I was born in Texas, but I grew up in Texas and Puerto Rico. I've done a lot of moving around throughout my life, and there's quite a few places I feel at home in. I think I also feel at home on the road, I'm used to moving around a lot, I think without the change in scenery I start to get a little restless. It feels good to be on the move after some time. Currently I have been living in Montana.


Do you ever miss Texas or Puerto Rico, would you ever move back?

I dearly miss them both, I think all the time about eventually getting a home in both places, so it might be in the cards.

When you see that photo of yourself, you know exactly what was in your head, and somehow by sharing it, it is like sharing your feelings, without really sharing them

In what ways do you like to create self expression?

Well, pretty much everything. However the two that stick out to me the most are writing and photography. I seem to work with the arrangement of words much better than lines. I have trouble drawing things I envision, but with words I can easier paint my vision. I love poetry and literature, and it has always helped me to express the way I feel or maybe a place I am thinking of in my head. Photography helps me to capture moments, which are so precious and so fleeting. I also enjoy the self expression of being in front of the camera, you can show many different sides of yourself, or maybe try and convey a feeling deep inside you, and send it bubbling up to the surface. Sometimes it's like a secret feeling, because everyone perceives things differently, but when you see that photo of yourself, you know exactly what was in your head, and somehow by sharing it, it is like sharing your feelings, without really sharing them.


What is important for you to capture in the things you create?

Genuinity. I think genuinity in moments and people are truly beautiful. Most usually though I am trying to capture some sort of feeling inside me. Or capture a feeling that something gives me. Sometimes it's really hard to describe a certain feeling, and the only way to really express it is through some sort of medium other than an explanation, but maybe to show it in a way that will hopefully make someone else understand the same feeling.


What inspires you?

A lot of things inspire me. Music heavily inspires me, all music. I really don't know where I would be without it. Other people's art inspires me, films, fashion, nature, stories. I think you can draw inspiration from anywhere, it's like an overflowing well. There is an abundance of things in this world to get inspiration from. There are plenty of beautiful souls from this earth that inspire me too.

What is important in life?

I think it is very important in life to be good to other people and to love each other. As well as to be happy and be yourself. To chase what you really want and love, as long as you aren't hurting anyone. Also it is important to not take life TOO seriously, people should have fun and loosen up more and just enjoy what's around them because life is short.


What are you afraid of?

Honestly, just my own mind. There are a lot of scary things out there, but your brain can make everything so much worse and scarier than it actually is. I have struggled a lot the last few years with anxiety, it can be overwhelmingly bad at times. Anyone who has struggled with it I'm sure knows. It's hard too, because a lot of people don't take anxiety problems seriously, because they don't feel it and so they don't understand it. People's lack of empathy and understanding at times can make you feel even more alone through it. My own anxiety is probably what I am afraid of most, it is a big monster that makes everything else in the world seem minuscule. In a way, I guess that is one thing it is good for. Struggling with it has made me come to a lot of realizations and grow in ways I wouldn't have otherwise.


What is something you struggle with?

Self love and self acceptance, making decisions, TIME, my health. I don't think I really ever truly understood self love until recently. It was the spring/summer of 2020 that I really learned self love. I felt in these moments so down and so alone, even though I wasn't, that I had to be the only person there for myself to actually care. I was definitely sad and it was hard, but in a way it was also beautiful because I grew very strong in myself, and learned to truly value and love myself.


Are you religious?

Uh, yes and no? I have my doubts of course sometimes, I think that is normal as a human, to have doubts and wonder. I do believe in God though, and I think there is a lot of beauty in religions, and a lot we can learn from them. I have had some personal spiritual experiences that really have just instilled my faith that there is more to this world than what we see with our eyes. It is truly beautiful, to be a soul in this world amongst other souls, eventually traveling to maybe new worlds, or a new life. I really do believe our energy is eternal, and that the bonds people share are much deeper than just skin and bones.

If you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

Probably some sort of traveling Nat Geo photographer/writer. Or maybe I'd love to be a cat, cozied up to a big, warm window, with the sun streaming through it. But open just enough to crawl out and play in whatever flowers and trees I want. It would be amazing to just be a hippie though, and travel around in a van, making art and exploring the world. I think I'd have to be a rich hippie for that though.


Is a cat your favorite animal?

Yes, always has been. I was made fun of when I was a kid for loving them, lol.

What are some of your favorite hobbies?

It depends where I am, I usually love to be out in nature or exploring. Exploring nature or a city, I love dancing. I adore music so naturally one of my favorite things is to dance. Creating, finding new places to eat, learning new things. There are a lot of things I like...except for sports probably. I'm not sure why, but sports have always super bored me, I can't get into them at all.


Some bands you'd love to see live?

oooo if corona ever ends I have quite a list, but some that I'd LOVE to see because they mean so much to me are STRFKR, Beach House, the Growlers, Sunbeam Sound Machine, Cigarettes After Sex,Wild Nothing, Good Morning, and Mac Demarco.


A few favorite playlists?

Feelin GOOD ❀◕ ‿ ◕❀

quarantine🥀🚙🌌🍊

an aching nostalgia💤🧠

my lonely dream✨🥀🌌


***Have a beautiful day :)***


Photos by: Jinni J.

Audrey's IG: @wildwestsunlight