Polina
Model and Artist
Moscow
Who am I?
I ask myself this too often. Perhaps, now it is difficult for me to decide who I am and who I want to be. I am here and there: model, artist, tattoo artist, writer, journalist, actress, extrovert, introvert, loving and hating. There are an infinite number of sides and masks. But for now, under all this, there is a girl who just makes mistakes, tries and hopes to find herself.
Describe yourself in 3 words
Seeking, emotional, freedom-loving What exactly can't I live without? In principle, you can live without anything other than water and food, but will it be life? It's going to be a shitty life. I definitely can't live without communicating with people. I'm not one hundred percent extrovert, but people and conversations charge me. I couldn't live without a sense of freedom. As soon as something is forbidden to me, it's the end. I could not live without creativity and new knowledge, I need to express myself somehow, otherwise I will burst like a soap bubble. I couldn't live without love in the big sense of the word. The list goes on and on. What is my main fear? Unfortunately, I had to deal with depression, and more than once. I remember very well my impotence, apathy, and inexplicable sadness. I could lie for days without getting out of bed, in total darkness, without talking to anyone or reacting to anything. I still get goosebumps when I think of myself at that time. It was like it wasn't me. And perhaps more than anything else in the world, I am afraid to return to this state again. Perhaps this is due to the fear of losing yourself again, losing control of the situation and over your life, losing time and opportunities.
What do I love about people, and what do I hate? I don't like stagnation. And I don't take it in people either. Therefore, I love people who do not stand still, develop, who are open to the world and to everything new. And on the contrary, I am afraid and annoyed by those who are limited by their prejudices and opinions that they do not want to change. As a rule, such people are boring, not tolerant, angry. And I hate it. (God, I'm awfully rude sometimes)
What inspires me?
EVERYTHING. Really! Sometimes it's something banal and conventionally beautiful, like a sunset, music, or the play of shadows on the wall. And sometimes it can be a pile of garbage, dirt on your shoes, a black eye. I am sure that inspiration can be found in anything, the main thing is to learn to see beauty in everything. Ugliness and beauty are essentially synonymous. This morning, for example, I was inspired by the window frames that stand on the territory of the construction site opposite the house. A beautiful combination of colors and textures. I sat down and drew a sketch.
Who inspires me? Those people who don't give a fuck. They absolutely do not give a shit about other people's opinions, canons and rules. They just live and enjoy life. And they always create something beautiful. I feel free, but I still understand that I am still in the framework and not the fact that I will get out of them. So people without borders really inspire me. Well, if we talk about creativity: I love unusual people. I love the faces with a twist, that my mother, for example, would call a deformity. You don't have a front tooth? Great! Is one ear bigger than the other? Wonderful! A big nose with a hump? That's great!
I love being in front of the camera. And it's not about vanity and narcissism, it's about self-expression.
Are my paintings self-portraits? Technically, no. I don't always draw from myself, although I have a lot of self-portraits. Sometimes it can be a collective image from the head or inspired by a frame from a movie, someone's photo. But in my opinion, even if I do not draw my face and body, I put too much personal. Your experiences, your vision, your emotions. This makes me appear in any picture, even in detail and even if it is visible only to me, but it will be me. So this is partly a self-portrait.
How else can I express myself, apart from art works?
Shooting. I love being in front of the camera. And it's not about vanity and narcissism, it's about self-expression. I can take any posture, to throw out the emotions, don't be shy. I can cry, scream, laugh, fool around, try on different faces.
I'm writing. Most often, no one sees these texts, but I know that they are there. They are thoroughly personal and there are a lot of compromising materials and awkward moments in them.
I do tattoos. This is generally a very intimate and important process. I leave a part of myself, I put my seal on a stranger. It's such a responsibility!
I love beautiful clothes and bright images. This is also a great way to show yourself and your mood.
There is a lot of nudity in my paintings and photos: what does it mean to me?
I asked myself this question because I hear it very often in my address. And I never knew what to say. Because it's so natural to me. What could be more natural than a naked body? The naked body is not always a political act, although this is what is happening today (and this is an important change!). Sometimes the body is just the body, because it is beautiful, because it is pleasant. Art is primarily a mirror of the soul, and the soul does not need to be covered with layers of clothing. What for?
Images from the top:
Sofya Goncharenko https://instagram.com/sofyagoncharenko
Aizhan
Self portrait by Polina, 2019
Sander Dekker https://instagram.com/iamsanderdekker